This morning I was listening to Karly Randolph Pitman's "Growing Human Kindness" which is a program about conquering sugar addiction.  I had gone through the program about three years ago and was successful, then lost my way and then lost myself.  The losing of myself also included not having any physical activity and eating in a totally messy way.  But in listening to the program today I realized that I have not been defining the problem correctly.  The problem is NOT that I am lazy, stupid, inept, (fill in the blank) - but the problem is that I do not show enough kindness toward myself and that I do not think I am worthy enough of showing love and kindness toward myself.

When I am motivated to eat correctly and to exercise (DDPY, walking, or anything else) it comes from a place of lack and hatred.  "Stop eating that way, stupid.  Start exercising you lazy &*#$*"  Nothing is working toward a lasting solution because I am not defining the problem correctly.  

What would a solution look like if I correctly define the problem?  Would I yell at my 2-year old granddaughter to DO IT? Do it ALL AT ONCE?  (Picture yelling at a child to ride a two wheel bike immediately and perfectly without training wheels.  Picture yelling at a child to SWIM after throwing her in the deep end.  Or even, picture yelling at a seedling to GROW GROW YOU STUPID SEEDLING!)  NO - I would hold her and guide her and not let go until she is ready.  I would soothingly reassure her and be so happy and clap when she can ride or swim on her own.  

In translating this for myself, I would define the problem as needing more love, guidance and reassurance, and I would use DDP's SMACK DOWN technique for goal setting:

S:    Specific
M:   Measurable
A:    Achievable
C:    Compatible
K:    Keep it going

D:    Do it
O:    Own it
W:   Write it down
N:    NOW

AND, further - I would motivate myself towards these goals from a place of love and kindness, not from a place of slave-driving hatred.  I would follow my goals because they would bring me to a place of health and well being - which is what you want for someone you love. 

 When I used to teach dancing and brought my students to the level of their first public performance, I would teach how to grown self-confidence.  I would teach the principle of "AS IF" - Dance AS IF you are not scared. Dance AS IF  you will remember all the steps.  Dance AS IF you are a star.  If you believe in AS IF it will become truth.

So here is my AS IF statement (thank you Hungry for Change):

Eat like

you love yourself.

Move like

you love yourself.

Speak like

you love yourself.

Act like

you love yourself.

Take away:  SMACK DOWN AND LOVING MYSELF.

Arthur Boorman's incredible DDP YOGA transformation…

 I was ready to start a new blog.  I fiddled with names and titles for months (and now I "own" several) but I just could not FEEL what I needed to feel in order to move forward.  Then, this afternoon I was watching (for maybe the 50th time) the wonderful transformation of Arthur Boorman and one of the texts said OWN YOUR LIFE.  That was it!  That was the inspiration for the name of my new blog. 

I discovered DDPY (Diamond Dallas Page Yoga) about FOUR months ago (came back to edit this - I originally had TWO months ago!).  I started with three days a week, but was not consistent.  I had some issues that I needed to resolve with my knee replacement knee.  After a trip to the doctor I found out that the pain I am having is because of nerve damage.  I can deal with that - I just wanted to make sure that I was not hurting myself further by doing the exercises.  I thought that would be enough to move forward, just saying THIS IS IT - NO MORE EXCUSES.  However, that wasn't it and there were many more excuses.  

To shore myself up I even had a private session with a certified DDPY instructor, Jason DeSimone - a fantastic and patient guy.  But, he had to leave for a job in Florida for 5-6 weeks and I guess I used that as one of the excuses.  Then I went into a mild depression - partly the weather, partly just not feeling well, partly just stuff going on and I guess I used that as an excuse.

But as I gathered excuses I also gathered things that would help me be successful.  I padded my workout area enough that, although I had pain when finished with the workout, I no longer had pain in my knees during the workout.  I bought a heart rate monitor (gadgets are a wonderful thing).  I cleared a beautiful workout area (no more working out in an ice-cold basement).  I put two ice packs at the ready in the freezer so that I could put them on right after the workout, and found, actually, that it helped - along with taking two Tylenol and Aspercreme with Lidocaine. I joined "team DDPY yoga" and a great DDPY Facebook page - wonderful loving support in both places. 

But in just now watching Arthur's video (the full cut), Dallas Page said that owning your life takes belief AND work ethic.  I think I was missing a little bit of one and a lot of the other.  Obviously I believe that I can do this - OMG I am NOT worse off than Arthur, or Jared (another transformed individual - I will put his video in my next blog), and I know I can do this.  But what is lacking in that statement of belief is the knowledge that I have not succeeded before and so there is a little chip on the shoulder of my belief - a chip that needs to be knocked off and trampled upon!  And what about work ethic?  I have never - with regard to exercise - said - THIS IS IT. I AM GOING TO DO THIS NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.  So, when I go to bed at night and think I will do the workout in the morning, morning comes, and ... oh well...  Then in the morning I say I will do the workout in the evening after work.  I get home, all exhausted and done for the day, and then... oh well...  How can I own my life if I have no belief OR work ethic?  The more things stay the same the more they stay the same.

This is the line in the sand.  I AM GOING TO OWN MY LIFE.  I AM GOING TO HAVE THE BELIEF AND WORK ETHIC TO DO IT.  I AM DONE FEELING WASHED UP.  I AM READY TO LIVE AND BE EXCITED AGAIN.